“Our Master has never promised us success. He demands obedience. He expects faithfulness. Results are His concern, not ours. And our reputation is of no consequence at all.”
~ Amy Carmichael ~
“Faith isn’t the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It’s simply taking God at His word and taking the next step.”
~ Joni Eareckson Tada ~
“Write it over all your difficulties. Pen it across all your disappointments. Inscribe it on all your fears. Post it over all your troubles:
‘God is able.’”
~ Hudson Taylor ~
“Earth is crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God; but only he who sees takes off his shoes. The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries.” ~ Elizabeth Barret Browning ~
“Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.”
~ G. K. Chesterton ~
“Four things to learn in life; To think clearly without hurry or confusion; To love everybody sincerely; To act in everything with the highest motives; To trust God unhesitatingly.”
~ Helen Keller ~
“He who restrains his anger overcomes his greatest enemy.”
~ Roman Proverb~
I feel like I should apologize for the unannounced hiatus.
I have many "reasons." Too busy... that would be a lie because I've wasted plenty of time on other things. Lack of interesting photos... not true, I've taken some good photos....
The truth is, this blog is like a door into my brain. My brain is one of the reasons I started this blog. It's a very busy brain. Never a quiet moment. Always thinking, weighing, worrying, singing, etc, etc. You know - doing what brains do.
Blogging has provided a way for me to share some of those thoughts racing around at 100 mph. It's almost soothing going through the process of selecting which thought, chasing it down, capturing it, and then processing and organizing it until it is presentable enough share with all of you.
Honestly I haven't blogged as of late because I haven't wanted to let you all in.
All the thoughts I've got right now seem too trivial and simple to write ("Here, look at this, I started knitting again!"), or too deep and personal to share ("Guess what? I'm still dealing with secondary infertility and I'm really down about it.")
But all this time I've been reading your blogs. I can't thank you enough for what you're sharing. It helps so much. I learn so much! I check on so many of you on a daily basis. I laugh, I've cried, I pray for you and your situations.
As I've been reading though, I've had this pang of... something. This past weekend I realized what it was. A desire to belong.
Quickly followed by the thought "But you do belong, dummy, you have a blog, remember?" That busy, busy brain....
So here I am.
I'll post a real post soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later today. Maybe now. We'll see.
I just have to decide what to talk about. Which thoughts to let out. Hmmmm....
Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine!
We had a wonderful holiday weekend. I would have to say this was one of the best Christmas holidays we've had. It was casual, laid back, not crazy, everything one would want from holiday season.
The kids were spoiled. Thomas & Friends have more "friends" now. The doll house now has indoor plumbing and bunk beds. We've added some new games and puzzles.
Books, books, books.
And a Magic Basket.
According to the story, I purchased it from a peddler's cart. We're very excited to see what shows up! sssshhh!!! Come closer and I'll tell you the real story.... (pause to look over both shoulders) I ordered some presents online, kinda last minute, according to the USPS tracking department, the boxes will come on Friday.. Anyway, I wanted to still have something for the kids to open, so I came up with the magic basket story. Iris checks it every morning Stay tuned to see what the magic basket produces on Saturday!
Here is a the 2006 Grandchild/Grandma photo from my dad's side of the family (yes, that is my son crawling out of the picture in the lower right-hand corner.) My grandmother has 6 children. Socially they've kind of divided themselves into 2 groups, the older 3 and the younger 3. This photo is of the grandchildren of the older 3 and the children of the younger 3. The older grandchildren (there are 7 of us) figured that since we've had children ourselves, we're exempt from the yearly photo. There was over 40 people packed into my grandmother's house that Sunday.
It. Was. Crazy.
We went to my parent's house that night for our last Christmas in our childhood home. My parents are purchasing their retirement home. The won't close until June, so we'll have plenty of time left in the house (many of which will include packing, I'm sure) but it was still bittersweet. I got my niece everything she needed to assume the identity of Sleeping Beauty (deluxe dress, crown, shoes, scepter, purse, earrings and necklace.) She kept saying over and over "I love this stuff!" "I really really love this stuff!" It was so cute (she's 3 yrs old) I got my brother's daughter (still in en utero) a Monchhichi doll (you can get one here.) My brother carried one with him everywhere for most of his early childhood.
I got money. Which I spent on clothes. For real, clothes--not yarn. I know, I'm so disappointing.
I needed to break free from the frumpy-I-got-this-from-the-clearance-bin-6-years-ago look that I've been sporting for the last couple of years.
It worked out great, because Tim unknowingly had the day off yesterday. "Unknowingly." The man got up at 5 a.m., got ready, drove an hour to work (downtown Milwaukee) and thought it peculiar that the parking lot was empty. He went up to the office which, lo and behold, was dark and locked. He obviously was so engrossed in his work last week, he didn't notice the "we get two days off for Holidays" memo. In his defense, he's been on location at a client's for almost a year, and just got back into the home office a week or so ago. But I still laughed at with him about the whole thing.
Sooooo, back to my story, he came home and I went with a girlfriend back to Milwaukee and spent the afternoon trying on clothes and spending my Christmas money. I even bought a shirt that wasn't on sale! (gasp!)
I hope your Holidays were wonderful, and I pray your New Year will be even better!
I just want to thank everyone that left a comment, as well as all of those that sent emails. I will get back to you, one by one, but I wanted to say a big collective "Thank You" right now. I really appreciate it.
So far, we're still waiting to hear back from the agency. They said they'd give us an update this week. There is another couple that has said they'd like to adopt the baby, though they aren't from our agency. Whatever happens, we're just praying for the safety and health of the baby, and clear direction for all those involved.
I told my parents, and although they have their reservations, they will support us however it turns out, like they always have.
I told Iris too. I explained to her that God might have a baby for us, and it was growing in someone else's tummy. I told her it was a little girl (YOU MEAN I MIGHT GET A BABY SISTER????) and that she has something called Down Syndrome and it will never go away. What it means is that even though her body will "grow up", she'll stay a little girl "on the inside" forever. And that is hard for some people, but if God allows it, it means He thinks we would be able to do it with His help. She was just sooooo thrilled about it, but understands that it might happen and it might not. We just have to wait.
We have sort of decided that if we do get to be this baby's parents, her name will be Ruby. God's precious jewel. (I've tried to find Twila Paris' song "Jewels", the one I couldn't stop singing in my mind the day we got the call, but all I can find is the lyrics. (Scroll down to the second song) It's an incredibly beautiful lullaby.)
I love poetry, and two poems (or more like a poem and a short story) that I'm loving right now are Wait and Welcome to Holland. Wait is something that was given to me 11 years ago when we started down the path of infertility, and it has brought me a lot of comfort over the years. It's kind of a multi-purpose poem, and speaks to any kind of waiting. I read Welcome to Holland years ago, and a dear knitter (thanks Laurie!) recently reminded me of it. In the midst of all of this, I'm trying to spend more time in my Bible, and one of my favorite verses seems to be popping up again and again: Ephesians 3:20-21 (ASV) "Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus unto all generations for ever and ever. Amen."
Amen indeed!
Christmas Stockings
I am never sure when St. Nick is supposed to come, is it the night of the 5th or the night of the 6th? I looked it up on Wikipedia, and it seems it's the night of the 5th. Bummer. I am only 2 rows into Iris' stocking. I have to finish the shop's newsletter first, and then I can try to knit for 24 hours straight and finish the stocking in time? Maybe not....
Bonne Marie had a link on her blog today for a festive slide show. Check out the Scared of Santa site! I have a few photos of my own I could have contributed!
Random Web Stuff
I decided to post some ideas for Christmas presents for knitters. I'll try to include some in every post in December. Patterns, notions, sheep stuff, whatever I come across. Like:
Well, I'm sure you won't hear from me until after St. Nicks day (my kids are home-schooled, they'll have no idea what day St. Nick is supposed to come. It could be the 20th for all they know.... Iris is just learning how to read a calendar, I think I'm safe... this year at least.) (Am I a terrible mother, or what?)
Warning: absolutely no knitting content! And if you are hearing this for the first time by reading it here, and you think you should have heard it in person, sorry. Double-sorry if you are family....
So, many of you know that we do not get to choose when or if we have any children. We are quite surprised by the two we have. Iris through adoption, and Harrison through birth.
You might not know, that for the last 2 years we have been "trying" for another. Which basically means praying for one since we've never used any form of birth control in the 11.5 years we've been married.
I even made a special visit to my OB/GYN and have some special pills that make me sicker than a dog, but increase the chances of having a baby. Not only that, but we have come up with a one-year-plan, the three of us (me, Tim, and Dr. C). How fun. PCOS, glucophage, Clomid, AIH, etc, etc. (I'll let you google those on your own if you're curious...)
We've done the Infertility thing before. For 6 years. Before having Iris. And now again, for the last 2 years. So we can officially say we've experienced Secondary Infertility.
Why not adopt again? Financially, we just won't be able to do that for another 2 years. For the sake of the children we already have, we want to pay off every bill first. Including the second mortgage and our school loans, and all of that will take another year and a half, if we're really well-behaved. Not to mention, a lot of agencies give preference to childless couples (which we totally agree with, being there once ourselves). And with two healthy children, the agency we adopted Iris through won't even work with us again if we wanted a healthy newborn.
(Insert paragraph defending decision to have more children. Explaining why we want more, why we think we should.... Include defense for overpopulating the world and the defense for the basement full of dirty laundry. Maybe for the first time include prepared (yet never shared) defense titled "why in the world do you think I need to defend any decision to have more children, and keep your polite cliches to yourself while your at it... or maybe just let that part out....)
And then we got a phone call two Fridays ago....
From our adoption agency saying that there is a woman expecting a baby in April... a little girl... and she has Down Syndrome. Would that be something we would consider?
Honestly, no, we've never considered that. I mean, when we were pregnant with Harrison, I denied the triple screen, because it didn't matter if it came back positive for anything. It wouldn't change anything (in other words, we wouldn't abort.)
At that exact moment though, it was easy to respond. We're Christians. God says ALL life has value. God says to take care of the orphans and the widows (James 1:27). And I believe that means more than sending a check once a month to a charity of your choice. I mean, really, we're pro-life and we should put our money where our mouth is, right? It's just living our what we believe! I firmly believe that if this is what God wants, he'll work out the details (like where we are going to come up with the $$$ for an adoption right now, that's reality) Twila Paris' song "Jewels" played over and over in my head...
We've prayed for another child for over 2 years. If God brings a child to us, are we going to turn it away because she's not "perfect"?
Of course we'll consider it!!! I told the social worker that, yes, we would consider it (she replied incredulously "really?" and I said "Really!"), but we needed to pray about it, and I needed to talk about it with Tim first. After talking to Tim (who happened to be on exactly the same page as I was) I called our Pastor. His first words were "Well Amy, you probably already know that my sister has Downs..." to which I replied "Actually, NO, I wasn't aware of that! What a coincidence!" We talked for a while, and he gave great advice, supporting us in the direction we felt God was leading us. I also called a friend that has a daughter in her 20s with Downs, and a Brother as well. Also very encouraging.
So we called back the agency, and told them that "yes" we would parent this little girl if that's what God wants in this situation.
And so we are waiting. Waiting for the birth-family's decision.
Waiting.
Again.
We'll be waiting for almost 5 months.
As much as I am trying to just live life, this is affecting me. You know when you're trying to get pregnant, even sometimes when you're not, and you think you might be, but you have to wait two weeks or so to test? And during those two weeks, every other thought is "what if I'm pregnant?" That is my mind right now. "What if we're going to have another baby?" I can't help it.
I don't want to tell our parents, because I'm just too emotionally exhausted to deal with a negative response right now. I'm thinking since I posted it here, I should probably fill them in though. Soon.
In the mean time, Here are a few great sites and blogs I've come across trying to educate ourselves about Down Syndrome:
All this Christmas Stocking work has got me "dreaming of a white Christmas...." It's working up faster than I thought it would. That's the great thing about stranded knitting, each pattern strip is so easy to finish. It's hard to put it down! I'm going to duplicate stitch the smoke, smoke stack, and couplings. I think it looks like a tractor, hopefully it will look more like train when I'm done. I thought about fixing messing with the pattern, but decided to just knit it as is.
I have a sweater to knit, I got it ages ago and have been procrastinating. Just for that reason, I'm messing with the pattern. I decided to attack it this morning, and
when I pulled it out I found this! My Addis are dented! I'm a little disappointed. They are a size 9. I can't believe they are dented. They've been in my knitting bag the whole time. Anyway, I'll have to get another pair. So, no sweater today.
I mentioned the quilt show I went to with Paulette on Saturday, I got to take one picture before my camera died (stinkin' batteries).
I love this quilt, the colors are great! The pattern is fun too. I'd like to own one, but I'm not interested in making one. I don't think I could ever quilt. There is so much putzy stuff to do before the gratification of seeing the quilt finished. And I dislike ironing. When I tried quilting it seemed like there was a lot of ironing involved. (I bet every quilter reading this is rolling her eyes...) Oh well, maybe someday, if I ever get sick of string.
Do you read the Yarn Harlot's blog? Did you see she and Joe tied the knot? Most people, once they become "famous" go the route of divorce, not marriage! I'm glad our Harlot goes against the flow! It's funny, I'll bet they are the only couple that would register at the Yarn Barn instead of Pottery Barn! I can only imagine where they might take a honeymoon, maybe the Shetland Islands?
I will start out with Actual Knitting Content! (I know, can you believe it???)
I have a class that I'm leading for Bahr Creek come the end of October on Cottage Creation's Wonderful Wallaby sweater, so when I was at the shop last week, I picked up some yarn so I could make a class example! I'm using Cascade's Pastaza - 50% Llama, 50% Wool. What a fun pattern! I did the pouch, and I almost have the body up to the end of the pouch. I have to recheck my gauger though, it's supposed to be a size 4 kids. I have my doubts. It seems a tad smaller. It's fit Harrison, but he is a bit smaller than the average 4 yr old.
I'm using my Knitpicks Options needles on this one, and I have to say I am very impressed. I would have to say Addi's are definitely nicer, but Options being an interchangeable set makes up for the tiny bit it lacks. The join is smooth. They only came unscrewed once while I was knitting. The cord is nice and flexible. I love the pointier tips, it makes knitting while watching TV much easier. On the down side, the join and cord itself are not as nice as Addis, and I wonder at what point would they wear out, if at all. Regardless, I'd like a set for Christmas (hint hint! Tim, are you still reading this? Those of you that know Tim, feel free to point him in this direction....)
The other knit project I've been working on is this baby sweater for my niece, Alicia. My sister called yesterday, and said it would be nice to have a little sweater for her now that it's cooling down. So what did I do? I cast on within the hour. I googled "free pattern great baby sweater blog" (tried to narrow my search a little) and found this pattern referenced. I love it! Knitting Pure & Simple makes great patterns, and I couldn't believe this one was free!
It'll be easy to adjust for different weight yarns too.
Alicia is getting soooo big! And cute! Just look at this face!
On the embroidery front, I made this set of towels for an auction/fund raiser at our church. It's basically a week in the life of my kitchen: Monday-Pan's on fire
Tuesday-Blender spits stuff everywhere
Wednesday-Veggies go bad
Thursday-Another spill (grape juice of course)
Friday-Give up and Order out!
I used patterns from Sublime Stitching. Speaking of which, I pre-ordered my book, and it came already! There are sooooo many patterns I want to make! I love it! I think it's the most inexpensive hobby I've ever picked up!
Iris has started a new hobby. Ballet! Well, she's been obsessed since she was 2 yrs old, but this is her first official class (I know, I'm a terrible mother, I should have started her sooner....)
But here she is, isn't she adorable? I heard her giggling through the studio door the entire half hour of class. She was thrilled!
Harrison has a new hobby too-potty training. He's doing great. We've enrolled him in P.U. (Potty University, pun intended) He's doing great. I think he knows we are absolutely serious this time. I hope to start adding clothes bit by bit this week (he does much better without them, but I'd like to leave the house at some point again....) We found the ultimate motivator. M&Ms weren't it, nor Jelly Bellies, nor Bob the Builder toys.
Nope, this boy wants Goldfish Crackers! So we bought a box bigger than his head, and we're doing great!
Homeschooling is going well, though my family thinks I'm nuts. Sometimes I get a little sick of swimming against the flow. I quit my toilet seat job too, that was done Sunday. They're not happy about that either.... But you know what? It's our life, and we are doing what we think is best for our family. All others are entitled to their opinions, as long as they remember we are also entitled to ours. I'm thrilled with our lives right now. I really feel like this is the "sweet spot" of life, and I'm not going to miss a single minute of it if I don't have to.
I am having way too much fun embroidering my dish-towels. I bought two packs of flour sack dish towels at T*rget for $4.99 for a five-pack. $1 a towel. I can embroider all four corners. With thread and patterns I already have. Priceless.
We attended our county fair on Monday. I love our fair. It's been basically the same since I was a child. For all the things that have changed in my life, my city, the fair has remained the same. I love it. The kids love it too.
Here they are with our favorite cow. Harrison is eating his first ice cream of the day.
And the little airplane ride, looking at them, can't you almost feel the wind in your hair?
We saw cows, chickens, turkeys, ducks, sheep, pigs, goats, guinea pigs, pigeons, horses, and more. One animal I wasn't planning on running into was a camel. This is heaven for Iris. She L-O-V-E-S camels. It all started when we watched The Story of the Weeping Camel. (My kids love documentaries.) It's entirely in Mongolian with English subtitles and the story is about a camel mother that rejects her baby and what the nomadic herders go through to resolve the issue. It's a wonderful comparison of the differences between western and eastern thinking, not to mention a beautiful story. Anyway... shortly after we saw it, I think Iris was three years old, we were at the zoo spending a lot of time in front of the camel exhibit. One of the zoo volunteers asked us if we had any questions and Iris looked up at him with her big blue eyes and very matter-of-factly asked him "How much does a camel cost?" He chuckled and said he wasn't sure, no one had ever asked him that before. "Would you like to buy one?" "Yes" "Where will you keep it?" "In the garage." She obviously had been thinking about it for a while (grin).
After meeting these very polite gentle giants, I think I want one too. They were incredibly sweet with her. Of course, she was shoveling apples and carrots into their mouths, but I'd like to think Iris has a "camel whisperer" way about her.
That night we had 'smores at a friend's home.
Tonight I will be knitting. Tomorrow night as well. This weekend too. There will be a plethora of knitting related posts in the near future. Seriously. A plethora.
Well, this doesn't actually qualify for the ER trilogy, because we most likely will not be visiting the ER tonight, it will just be a doctor's visit tomorrow.
Harrison fell in the driveway tonight, and landed squarely on his front teeth. They are still intact, but his frenulum isn't. Fortunately for him, we have experience with frenulum tears because Iris is also missing hers. (Her accident involved toddler-high-speeds and a computer chair.
His picture isn't too gory. I wanted you to see his teeth (his lip is a little swollen too, don't you think?) Did you notice those black spots? He has asphalt imbedded in his teeth. Asphalt embedded in his teeth! I guess Harrison gets to meet the family dentist tomorrow. You can see the little rip in his frenulum too. Poor baby. He isn't showing signs of a concusion, but I'm keeping him up late tonight just to be sure.
On the upside, daddy caught a toad tonight. Harrison was well enough to be a part of the release party. (Toad was only in the blue bucket for about 10 minutes.)
I felt like a good mom today. I made Blueberry Coffee Cake from scratch for breakfast (Iris loved it, Harry refused it and ate 3 large bananas instead.) We were busy, but the house is in some sort of order, so it wasn't total chaos.
I got to put the kids to bed tonight because Tim went with the guys to see World Trade Center. (I don't know if I am ready to see that yet) I love tucking them in, but usually daddy likes to do that. It's his way of reconnecting after being gone all day. He still feels like he's an important part of their daily lives then. But I love it too. I love reading to them. We have a 3 book limit. One chosen by Iris, one by Harrison, and one by the reader (tonight-me). That way I can subtly influence them with fairy tales, fables and stories that might help them deal with things going on in their little lives. I love books, and thankfully, so do they. Something that tickles me is that they are starting to choose books for the stories, not the pictures and illustrations. I mean, I love the illustrations too, but I'm glad they are digging deeper. The other night Iris wanted me to read from Little House on the Prairie Dog (no, not a new book, just how she remembered the title. Too cute!)
This afternoon I decided to use up the ton of fresh organic basil Tim brought home from the garden. I roasted pine nuts, minced garlic, sprinkled salt and drizzled olive oil all afternoon. And when we were done, we made pasta for our pesto! I wish I would have taken a picture, it was beautiful! And delicious!
A good friend is back from visiting her home country of Venezuela, and we spent some time together this afternoon. I'm so glad she's back, I really missed her. She is really more of a sister than a friend. Then later, Jessica came over with the kids and we ate supper together and later the kids played.
Life feels so good. Today was a good day. Good friends, good food, great blessings. I could never ask for more.
Well, maybe some time to knit. Which I'll have as soon as I'm done here. I also did a little bit of online shopping today. Over at Knitpicks. Why oh why do they offer free shipping if you spend $40? Once you order one thing, it seems so close. If you get just one or two more things... and the prices are so low...it's so tempting! And today I caved. I have some things I want to knit up for the shop out of Cascade 220, and all my size 8 circulars are bamboo. So I decided to get some needles for that, I've wanted an excuse to try their new Options Needles. I ordered 2 pair of tips in size 7 ($4.99 each) and 2 pair size 8 (also $4.99 each) and 2 sets of cords ($3.99 a pair) for a grand total of roughly $28.00 for 4 24" circular needles. Addi's would be about $15 for one circ., so I saved some money today! I also succumbed to peer pressure (thanks Vicki!) and got Lucinda Guy's And So to Bed. I love her first book, and Knitpicks has this on sale too! For just about $15! So now you all know what I spent on my knitting habit today. (It's okay, I'm on a yarn diet. Not a knitting diet!) Now maybe it won't be so hard to fess up to my dear hubby....
Ha! I never thought I would say that, ever! The reason I'm so glad it's Monday is that about a month ago, I started working weekends. In a factory. Not just any factory, the largest manufacturer of Toilet Seats in the United States. Yep, toilet seats. I work in the division that makes "impression-molded" plastic seats. When they come out of the machine, there is a sharp edge around the inside and outside of the ring, and the lid too. It's my job to trim off this dangerous edge, and then pack the seat in it's box and send it off to be sold to you the consumer. In other words, I literally save your hinder. It's a thankless job, but someone has to do it. That, and it pays well. The only other faster way to get money is to rob a bank. (But that is just so time consuming, you know? Choose the bank, come up with a disguise, think up a get-in-there plan and a getaway plan, sheesh! It's just easier to show up for work two days a week.)
Anyway, it's not too bad. I show up, put in my 8 hours and leave. No stress. Physically, it's a different matter. I get very sore, because it's a physically demanding job. So sore, my hands hurt to much to knit for at least a day or two. I was thinking this would go away as I get used to the job, but not so much. Thankfully, it's a short term deal.
I am in the process of organizing my UFOs , and posting them to an album you'll find in the side column. It's part of my yarn diet. My goal is not to buy anymore yarn until all of my UFOs are finished. That might not seem like a long time, but just wait. There are tons more UFOs waiting to be photographed!
I might make one exception. I'll have to dig thru the stash first, to see if I can come up with anything, but I want to make these for Iris. I am thinking this might be a good way to use up my Fixation stash. Or Cotton Fleece. I'd prefer to use self-striping sock yarn, but I'm afraid she'd think they were too itchy. (I just remembered that I have some Lorna's Laces in Rainbow! Oy, I think I need to cast some on, I guess my hands don't hurt too much!)
Who's Amy Lu?
Let me introduce myself!
I'm a 30-something stay-at-home home-schooling Mother of two (one by adoption, one by birth). I love to craft, I love to cook, I love to knit, and I can't keep my house clean to save my life. I've been married to my college sweet-heart since 1995. I've lived in the Midwest all my life and just in case you didn't know, Lake Michigan is my lake.
